Moku-chan’s Rules to Survive an Asian Horror Film/Game

/ / 1 Comment

So imagine this.  You finally get the chance to go to Japan, you are of course excited.  But once you get there, strange occurrences and deaths seem to follow you wherever you go.  Wait!  Don’t look behind you, you don’t want to see what’s peeking from around the corner.  It sounds to me like you have just found yourself starring in an Asian horror film.  Here are a few tips on how to get out of there alive…  Well…  Maybe alive…

  1. Avoid elevators at all costs! There will be a ghost standing in the corner glaring at you.  Or it could be a passage to the underworld.
  2. If you absolutely have to use an elevator, make sure you are the first person off when it stops.
  3. Always wear sensible shoes.  If Kayako or Sadako are after you, you don’t want to trip over your high heels. 
  4. Avoid bathrooms.  This one might be hard, but really?  What better time to kill you could there be? 
  5. Never EVER stay at a traditional Japanese hotel…  Bad crap always happens there…… 
  6. Don’t look into mirrors…. Just don’t…
  7. Never follow the blood trail…  You would think this is obvious, but apparently it’s someone’s first reaction when they see one.
  8. Don’t ever hide in closets…  That’s the first place they’ll look. (Just like poor Toshio here) 
  9. Avoid abandoned villages at ALL COSTS!  That also goes for abandoned houses, hospitals, and apartment buildings…  Nothing good can come of that… Nothing. 
  10. This one’s pretty obvious, but don’t ever watch unmarked video tapes.  I don’t care what you think is on there, don’t do it!  
  11. If you see a pretty pair of shoes or other clothing left sitting on the side of the road, or by the train tracks, it’s not a free gift for you.  It’s a death trap. 
  12. If where you are staying has any kind of legends about fox spirits and counting stairs to get wishes, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON’T TRY IT! 
  13. And finally, when the ghost disappears, don’t fall to the floor in relief where they disappeared, they’ll only be behind you waiting. 

So, if you follow these simple rules, you should make it home alive.  Now if you’ll excuse me… I have seven days to find someone to watch a tape for me.  Any volunteers?