satire

Disclaimer: The following is a work of fiction for the use of parody only. Any data or events cited are most likely pure fabrication. Please read for enjoyment and the satirical viewpoint, not for facts.

The following is a PSA from the Z-ComiX Medical Division:

Today we mourn the death of a dear anime character of whom many have known and loved and even cosplayed as. Today we have lost a remarkable swordsman who could take on many foes. Today we mourn the death of one Sagara Sanosuke from the manga and anime Rurouni Kenshi. He has left this world and gone onto the next, having fought a long battle with a disease that has plagued many an anime since long ago. This disease is called BFS, or the medical term Big F**king Sword.

Yes friends, it’s time to have a serious chat about BFS. In animes BFS has led to the death of many a character. In the case of Sanosuke, it hit him later in life; after year of muscle degeneration and back problems from using his sword, a massive blade known as the “Zanza” (his Zanbato), he finally succumb to the sheer weight of the situation and ripped many muscles and tendons all throughout his body. He was immediately taken to a hospital for treatment of his BFS only to die later that day.

Sanosuke had been struggling with BFS for years, but it has finally caught up with him. It’s too late for him, but there are many anime characters who are afflicted with BFS. Cloud from Final Fantasy, Zabuza from Naruto, Ichigo from Bleach, and even Inuyasha from Inuyasha All have some form of BFS. There are many individuals who go through life everyday carrying unreasonably large swords. There is no way that they can carry, let alone swing the swords the way they do. It is our job as anime viewers to bring to light the viewer-made gravity of BFS.

If you or an anime you know as BFS, there are steps you can take to help overcome this disease. First, the best way to counteract BFS is to point at the sword and point out all the obvious flaws with it. Some phrases that may work to alleviate the problem are “that sword is too massive to work in reality,” “the writers should have realized that there is no way someone could swing a blade that big” or my personal favorite “FAKE!” If this doesn’t work to fix the problem immediately, you need straight to go into step two; tell everyone you know about the BFS. Dictate to them how the sword isn’t realistic in unnecessarily detailed arguments. If they tell you that it is an anime and should not be taken so seriously and to just enjoy it, slap them across the face and tell them that they are wrong and that it does matter and that they just don’t care about good animes like D.I.C.E. and Duel Masters.

You are the only one who can fix this problem and change the mind of an entire franchise by airing your grievances. BFS and other unrealistic things in the unrealistic worlds of animes are plaguing the industry. You need to point this out to everyone repeatedly so that they all know how much anime should model real life. After all, animes are made in order to teach people about the real world and to be as accurate as possible in terms of reality.

Sarcastically,

~~Z-ComiX

Disclaimer: The following is a work of fiction for the use of parody only. Any data or events cited are most likely pure fabrication. Please read for enjoyment and the satirical viewpoint, not for facts.

17 year old David Newgen woke up on a typical morning to find that everything he knew and loved was a lie. After years of watching horrible anime he had finally come to terms with his problem.

“It was like someone had taken everything I knew about anime and turned it all into new episodes of Pokémon… and before today, I would have said that was awesome!”

What led David to this epiphany? A few days ago, while choosing some new anime shows to watch one of his friends told him to broaden his horizons. Up to that day he had only watched harem animes and shows like the newer Pokémon episodes. When someone introduced a show like Monster he saw a new genre that put his other shows to shame.

“I mean… Really there was a BIG difference. Story, characters, plot development. I thought I knew everything there was about anime, but I was wrong.”

There have been many cases similar to David‘s situation. People are afraid of opening their horizons when it comes to anime. Whether it is the transition from Romance to Action or from Old to New anime, people can and will only learn what kind of anime they like from viewing all types of anime. Once someone has sampled enough anime, then they can really see for themselves if they really like an anime or not.

“It’s not like I’ve given up on shows on the shows I used to love, it’s just now I know that there are shows out there that also appeal to me and help me gauge which shows I really would enjoy. I can watch a show like Trigun and still love a show like Love Hina.”

Sarcastically,

~~Z-ComiX

Disclaimer: The following is a work of fiction for the use of parody only. Any data or events cited are most likely pure fabrication. Please read for enjoyment and the satirical viewpoint, not for facts.

In order to help many teens inJapanfind their special someone, The Japanese government is in talks to make it mandatory for women to dye their hair certain colors to depict their “type.” In a world where anime girls are seen with multi-colored hair many men have a hard time “conquering” girls due to not knowing their “type.” To combat this, the idea of making the world more like a Galge game (Japanese dating simulators for men) was randomly thrown out during a congressional meeting. After hours of talking about ideas like having classes on dating or actually paying girls a salary to go out with a man, the previous idea was talked about as a joke, then became a serious topic as time progressed.

It is already a stereotype that any male with blonde hair is a delinquent so many officials see the hair color bill, also known as “Hairy Situation,” as an obvious choice. Some of the proposed colors and traits are Red hair for hot-blooded girls, Blonde hair for either rich or dumb girls, and blue for shy girls. There are also talks of making women wear clothes associated with their personality, such as a sports get-up for athletic girls and thick-frame glasses and school uniform for brainy girls. Look out for more on this topic as more information is disclosed.

Sarcastically,

~~Z-ComiX

Disclaimer: The following is a work of fiction for the use of parody only. Any data or events cited are most likely pure fabrication. Please read for enjoyment and the satirical viewpoint, not for facts.

After watching many new animes I have seen a trend, especially in the genre of Romance based animes. The use of sexual under- (and sometimes over-) tones that are seen in anime have been increasing at an alarming rate. In order to get to the bottom of this phenomenon, we here at the Z-ComiX’s Extreme Research Expectations Center of Technologies have decided to stick our beaks into the matter by talking to one of our correspondents in the industry.

Our informant, who works in the marketing analysis department of Pseudo Animations, was very helpful when we probed her for information. We started slow, first asking the easy questions and then started to pound her with the more intimate ones. The following is the transcription from part of our interview.

Z: So, what drew you into anime?

Informant: Well, what drew me in was all the hentai themes in anime.

Z: … Pardon?

Informant: Yeah, you know, hot girls, guys in awkward situations, things being not anatomically correct.

Z: So what about story? What about art?

Informant: Those are all well and good, but that’s not what sells. I saw a market in anime that I could exploit. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention I also got into anime because of the money.

Z: So there was really no passion behind working in the field for you?

Informant:  There was a passion, just not the kind you’re talking about. Unlike some other studios our business model here at Pseudo Animations is to make anime that will sell. Our target audience is boys, especially the ones that would be considered Otakus because they’ll buy anything with a sexual undertone.

Z: Don’t you feel you might be poisoning the minds of our youth with your material?

Informant: Listen, Disney has been doing the same thing years before us. They set up the whole market of selling animations that have adult themes embedded into the story, jokes and the occasional image in the background. Just like with Tezuka, we are just taking something from Disney and monopolizing on it.

Z: What about other studios such as Production I.G. with animes like “Usagi Drop” and “Blood C?“

Informant: We are changing the industry Z. Animes like “Eikenbu Yori Ai Komete” and “I Don’t Love My Brother at All!” are what we are trying to produce. It sells, even though there are those that say that they rather have a more “in-depth plot” or “character development.” Even when they gripe, the fact is they watch the show too and they are just adding to the millions who enjoy our product.

Z: So, you feel you are changing the industry, correct?

Informant: Yes. If you look over the years, we have been able to take anime for the occasional panty shot to full nudity with cute censor stickers. The line between anime and hentai is beginning to be blurred, and the lines will continue to blur until they both merge into one side. There are studios out there that are producing content with good story. Others have really good art. A Pseudo Animation, we pride ourselves in making sex jokes and beautiful girls.  That’s what sells and no one seems to contradict it with their views or their wallets. The bottom line is if people keep watching it we will keep producing it.

Sarcastically,

~~Z-ComiX