221-230

The Anime Addicts Anonymous Podcast discusses anime cliches and what would happen if these were to take place in real life.  What if girls ate cake all day?  What if men really fell face first into boobies?  We discuss this and more!

#1) Moe girls eating cake and candy

• Mitsugi’s

• If moe girls ate cake, candy and parfaits all day, you’d end up with a whole

bunch of obese girls who wouldn’t be moe anymore because they probably

wouldn’t be nearly as cute.  You’d have a pockets of diabetes springing up all over Japan and the anime would surely either take place in a hospital, or a fitness center.   You could call the anime “the biggest loser”.

• Alternatively, you could make an anime series that’s a documentary study about what happens when all you do is eat cake and parfaits.  Kids slip into a the bowels of sickness as they one by one come down with various nutrition deprivation diseases including

  • SCURVY –  VITAMIN C – the “grey death” – we’ll see how cute the girls are with spongy gums, blood spots under the skin, no teeth, and halitosis.

  • RICKETS – VITAMIN D – Rickets is a condition of children, as the deficiency’s most severe effects are on developing bones

  • BERIBERI – VITAMIN B1 – beriberi means “I can’t” so we can call the anime “I can’t”.  Particularly relavant because it is most prevalent in rice consuming Asian countries. Inability to perform even the simplest of tasks once the polyneuritis (nerve inflammation) caused by the deficiency of vitamin B1 (thiamine) has permanently damaged the neurons.

#2) Mecha pilots always being children/Never wanting to pilot the mecha

• Mitsugi’s

  • Young children are supposed to pilot these mecha to save humanity from giant monsters but upon seeing the monsters, they wet themselves, and run away, leaving the earth to be ravaged by giant monsters.

• Chiaki’s

  • The children are forced into slave-labor like conditions

  • eventually human rights groups form unions for the workers to make laws

  • They deploy teams of psychiatrists to help them cope – they give blankets

#3) Guy falling with his face in girls lap/boobs OR Girl and guy fall on each other and kiss

• Mitsugi

  • There is a sudden demand for the field of dentistry in Japan (which is very lacking) becuase when two people fall on each other and kiss, they end up breaking each other’s teeth out.

• Chiaki’s

  • It results in a number of facial brusing and battery claims which involve the police

  • this then turns into a sexual assault/self defense in which the guy is locked away

  • he is then in the shower in prison and slips, falling face first onto a man’s chest

  • YAOI!

#4) If 10 girls really did want to hook up with the same guy (i.e. harems).

• Mitsugi

  • You end up with an anime in which multiple girls scheme and backstab each other in an attempt to win the heard of the boy.  In the end, you end up in Jerry Springer in an episode involving a pregnancy test to determine which of the many girls is the mother of the child.

• Chiaki’s

  • The first anime about the mormon religion

#5) tsundere, yandere, dere dere derp!

• Mitsugi

  • Tsundere – person is a bitch and then shows her soft side – The girl acts like an asshole to the boy and eventually the boy tells her to go fuck herself.  The girl ends up alone because she has no friends and her life spirals down a dark path of depression and sadness

  • Yandere – person that loves someone dearly and then that love becomes mentally destructive – A wonderful marriage turns into a messy divorce as the violent party begins to show violent and brutal behavior towards the other party.  — A woman gets her child taken away from her because of psychotic violent behavior towards her child, jail and/or child services.

#6) When something embarrassing happens and everybody falls down

• Chiaki’s

  • They’re all raced to the hospital where they learn they have brain tumors from long-term esposure to something in the anime

  • The continual falling results in severe brain damage that only serves to aggrivate the problem

  • The anime becomes about their struggle against gravity and the remaining weeks on their lives.

#7) Guys getting nosebleeds all the time

• Chiaki’s

  • Leads to severe anemia

  • Nose has to be cauterized

  • Can’t go anywhere without a large pack of tissues

#8) Girls that want to sleep with their brothers (incest)

• Chiaki’s

  • The world is full of incest babies

  • People end up being stupider and less mentally stable

  • King Jeoffery